Apology and First Name
- Use apology and the first name – During the disagreement it seeds more warmth into the interaction and help to continue the negotiation.
- Calibrated open ended question – Such questions have no fixed answer & it buys you time. Such question give your counterpart the illusion of control that they are the one with the answer and the power. They will have no idea of how constrained they are by it e.g How am I suppose to do it. Sorry John, but how am I suppose to estimate the work without knowing anything about it.
- We humans are crazy, irrational, impulsive and emotionally driven animal. All raw intelligence and mathematical logic is little help in the fraught.
- Framing effect – People respond differently for the same choice depending on how it is framed. e.g for people there is more value on moving from 90% to 100% than 45% to 55%. Even its a jump of 10% in both cases. e.g With this new tool your productivity will increase. If it is 45% now it will be 55% (chances of opting for the tool is less). Rather the statement If it is 90% now it will be 100% (chances of going for the tool is more).
- Prospect Theory – It explain why we take unwarranted risks in the face of uncertain losses.
- Loss Aversion- People are statistically more likely to act to avert loss than to achieve an equal or more gain. e.g What you prefer, Maruti for free or Porsche for 10L? Because of the same principle people feel safe to invest in FD rather than Mutual fund
- Two system of thought –
- System 1: Our animal mind is fast, instinctive and emotional. It is far more influential. It guides and steers our rational thought.
- System 2: Slow, deliberate and logical
- Tactical Empathy- During intense negotiation, what are needed were simple psychological tactics and strategies that worked in the field to calm people down. Establish rapport, gain trust, elicit the verbalisation of needs and persuade the other guy of our empathy.
- Emotionally driven negotiation wins over rational bargaining. Develop a positive relationships with people by demonstrating an understanding of what they are going through and how they feel about it.
- Famous saying – In this world you get what you ask for, you just have to ask correctly.
- Learn how to size someone up, how to influence their sizing up of you.
Listening
- Smart people face trouble to become a good negotiator. As they think they know everything and nothing to discover from negotiation. Make a lot of assumption about other even before meeting them.
- Improve your listening skill. Try to focus on each and every word.Mostly we engaged in selective listening. Hearing only what we want to hear.
- We think there are two people involved in negotiation. But actually there are four people engaged – two people and inner voice of each of them. When they are not talking they are thinking how and what to argue. When they are taking they bring forward that argument.
- So keep yourself calm and start listening everything the other person is saying. In this way you are calming the inner voice of yours as well as the other person.
- Encourage the other person to keep talking and to reveal their strategy.
- Create enough trust and safety environment so that actual conversation can begin.
- Negotiation is not an act of battle rather it’s a process of discovery.
Slow It Down and Calm Voice
- One of the common mistake in negotiation is to speak to fast.
- Speaking fast, give the sense to the other person that they are not being heard. Which creates issue to build the rapport.
- Your voice is the most powerful tool in the verbal communication.
- Put a smile in face while commuicating.
- Three types of voice tones –
- late-night FM DJ voice – Most effective during the negotiation. Calm and deep voice. It radiates the sense of confidence, in control and honesty.
- positive-playful voice – Mostly used when you interact with your friend. It’s voice of easy going, good nature individual. Smiling while talking on phone has some tonal impact which listener can pick it up.
- Direct or Assertive voice – More commanding voice.
Mirroring
- Copy each other to comfort each other. It can be done in various way –
- Verbal – repeat few words, or the last part of the sentence. The other person get the feel that you are listening.
- Body Language – nod your head. Cross your leg when other person crossed their leg.
- Mirror send signal to other’s unconscious that we are similar.
- In the following example the second salesperson get more success during the sale –
- First Salesperson – Keep saying yes or great for everything client say.
- 2nd Salesperson – Keep mirroring the important words or last sentence of the client.
- Being the right is not the key for the successful negotiation. But having the right mindset is required.
- Intention behind should be “Please help me to understand”. This build raport.
- “What do you mean by that?” – incite irritation or defensiveness.
Tactical Empathy and Labelling
- It’s one step ahead of sympathy.
- It require paying attention to other person, ask what they feel and show that you are understanding their world.
- Understand other’s feeling, emotional state and put them in word. And with calmness repeat their emotion back to them. It is called labelling
- Label can be phrased as question or statement –
- It seems like …
- It sounds like …
- It looks like …
- The last rule of label is listen. Once you labelled be quiet and listen. Let the label do it’s work. Pause, don’t worry other party will fill the silence.
Anger – A negative emotion
- Anger is rarely productive.
- It release stress hormones and neurochemicals that disrupt your ability to properly evaluate and respond to situation.
- If someone get anger by your did, always acknowledge the anger.
- The phrase “look I am an asshole” – always rewarding
- The best way to deal with negativity is observe it without reaction and without judgement. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive and solution based thought.
Quickly Identify the fear of the future
- Faster we can interrupt the real or imaginary fear, the faster we can clear the road of obstacle and quicker we can generate feeling of safety and trust.
- Identify the fear and bring them to open. The negative reaction of the opponent will begin to soften. Their language will turn worry to optimism
Taking the Sting Out
- While criticising someone we start with -“I don’t want this to sound harsh …” or “I don’t want to seem like an asshole …”
- Think of every terrible thing your opponent could say about you, and bring this out before even they say so or at the beginning of the conversation.
Master NO
- For good negotiator NO is pure gold.
- No provides great oppertunities for both parties to calrify what they want by removing what they don’t want. Therefor No is the start of a negotiation not the end of it.
- “Yes” and “May be” are often worthless. But, No always alter the conversation.
- Politely saying NO to your opponent, calmly hearing No and just letting the other side know that they are welcome to say No, has a positive impact on any negotiation.
- Train yourself to hear NO as something other than rejection.If your biggest fear is No, you can not negotiate. You are the hostage of Yes otherwise.
- No can have following interpretation
- I am not yet ready to agree
- You are making me feel uncomfortable
- I do not understand
- I don’t think I can afford it
- I want something else
- I need more information
- When you hear No, take a pause then ask solution based questions
- What if it doesn’t work for you?
- What would you need to make it work?
- It seems like there is something which bothers you
- Other party need to say No. So make sure they utter it as early as possible.
- There are three kind of yes
- Counterfeit – In such scenario one counterfeit No with yes, to escape the situation, or get more information or to gain some kind of edge.
- Confirmation – It’s just an innocent affirmation without any promise or action.
- Commitment – It’s a real deal where contract get sign or someone agreed something.
- So initial No always leads to final Yes of commitment. Where as an early Yes is often just a cheap, counterfeit No.
- Use a question that prompt a No answer. By saying No the other side start thinking they are at the driver’s seat.
- A good negotiator welcome, even invite a solid No to start, as a sign that other party is engaged and thinking.
- So when you want to sell something replace – “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” to “Is now a bad time to talk?”
- Attributes of No
- No allows real issue to come front
- No protect people from making ineffective decision
- No slow things down. So that one can think and embrace their decision they make in the course.
- No makes one feel safe, secure and in control of their decision
- No moves boths parties efforts forward.